Survivor to Thriver – Part 3

This poem describes the reactions that trauma has when it is unresolved, the response of the abused coming face to face with the abuser.
Scenario: In the parking lot leaving an event with friends. Jumping into the car and friend is driving.

I saw you over and over again,
Again in my mind,
Again in my dreams,
Again all around me.

Years have passed without my
notice,
So I did not notice that it
was today.
All the days feel like the same,
The same as that day.
I know it did not happen yesterday,
Because yesterday was years
away.
I guess I got left there any
way.

I saw you today.
In the parking lot you came,
Accidently in front me.
Was it accidently?
Was it coincidentally? I don’t
know.
But I saw you.
In person.
Alive.
In front me.
In my face.
You said: “Hey” with a smile
so great,
And arms stretched out for an
embrace.
Shocked. Petrified.

Ice water,
Pins and needles,
Pouring over my flesh.
Pale.
Heart Racing.
Adrenaline Rushing.
I left you there standing,
Dunked past you like nothing,
Jumped in the vehicle,
Hoping to conceal you,
Conceal me… from you.
Pain.

Total shut down.
Gone.
Scream.
Ouch! My ears.
What is that? Who is that?
Wait…. it’s my throat.
Am I screaming?
Is that sound escaping from
my mouth?
Why is my hands over my head?
What is happening? This isn’t
me.
People asking, “What is happening?”
I’m just screaming: “Get on
driving.”
“Drive! Drive! Drive!”

Panic. Fear.
Panic. Run.
Run! Run!
Run!
Door handle!
Pull! Pull! Pull!
Panic. Its
not opening!
Car stops.

Car door opens from outside,
My feet start to take flight.
Bolting for an exit from the
terror
I just met. Only one way to
get away,
Never let him get his way.
Caught by the arm of a friend,
I forget.
I forgot I was there.
Here. Present.
Conscience pulled back from
its reality,
Pulled back to the fact
That it has never been a dream.
Held tight. Sobbing.
Questioned with care,
“What has happened there?”
Me, unable to speak. Until…
The unfortunate right question
was asked,
“Did he hurt you?”
“Yes,” was all that I could
speak.