With the one who holds my life,

But doesn’t hold me back

From living to the full.

He never fights 

for control.

Only gives me the choice

To use my voice,

Hoping that I will choose him 



That I will

Let him be the caretaker of my soul,

Instead of fighting for control.

It’s the process of sanctification.

Rehabilitation, really.

He would call it a honeymoon,

Where I 

step back from the world 


Sit in silence 

Remembering what it’s like to let him call me, 

“his girl”.

Where he inches his way toward me

As fast or slow as I need him to

And there’s nothing he wants me to do,

Simply be with him.


But it’s 3:30 in the morning.

And I lay in the dark,

Like an animal confined to a hole in the ground 


I don’t make a sound,

Save I wake the house.

So I lay still,

Pondering the loneliness of sanctification, 


the blackened trail that others were too afraid to walk with me


And my failures that went far beyond

Blocks that I can’t again build upon.

There are those who said I was too far gone. 

For some, apologies are too late.

Others contemplate 

if I’m worth the wait.


some vanished like a breeze on a brisk winter day.

Like Elijah, in the cave

With just his sandals and gown.

And the people that cover their mouths 

And gasping aloud

When the life that I vowed

Came tumbling to the ground,



They asked, “Didn’t she used to do this or that?”

While glancing me over, judging my trauma

As if it were intentional drama,

While never inquiring who I really was


asking if I just needed a friend.

They followed along, just because

I strode in a direction

Under God’s protection.

But alas those days are gone

And I am stripped down to one.

While the crowds look for another.



Suffocating in self-pity

Striving to gain the affections of God alone,

Once again.

Led me back to this place

With you


While you mend my wounds,

Like a patchwork quilt

And wash away all my guilt

While you take the tattered splinters of my mirror

And piece them together like a fine mosaic.

So I can see my reflection restored.

I am liberated once more.


Freedom at the moment, hurts

Yet seeing your face and feeling your hand,

Knowing you understand.

It seems to me you sat alone in the dark once, 


And you asked how else could the world be saved.

Knowing you would travel the rest of the way, 


Beyond the tears and moans

You held on to the father 

And didn’t let go,

For the reunification 

With the world,

Your prize.

I can see you rise

To see what your sacrifice buys,


despite the lies

The enemy told 


How that night would never end,

You would never have a friend again,

Your effort would be for nothing.

Yet u didn’t love your own life to death.

You came out from them

And committed to give it all for the gospel.

You stretched your olive hands


Embraced the iron spikes,

And endured the strikes

And blows

From men,

That you were saving.


They laughed at you while you were down,

And stole your sandals and gown.

Beneath the surface, they could not see the blood






With only the father to save u

From the pain,

From the hurt,

From the rejection,

From the perverted

Lies spread about u.

From the misunderstandings 

And accusations,

And for what?

For liberation 

Of the oppressed,

For salvation

Of those who dare speak your name,

And believe your word.

For the conversation 

With a lonely woman at 3:30 in the morning.

Just to let her know that 

You didn’t quit on her then

And you won’t quit on her now.

To let her know it was worth it,

And you know how she feels.

To tell her,

“The sanctification desert was built for two,

Me and you.


You’re not alone..”


Your heart is my home.

And of all the people 

in all the lifetimes,

Out of this great


“You’re still my girl”.

You haven’t run too far.

You can’t sink to low.

I will not let you go.

I will never leave you alone

In the process of sanctification.

You are like the priests of old

Pulled into the wilderness

Cleansed and anointed 

To return one day,


To be an ambassador for the cross.

To seek out the lost,

And hurting,

And broken.

Knowing that the solitude of being sanctified.

Matched with your old self that died,

Leaves you with nothing to hide.


You stand unashamed before your maker.

Holy and blameless.

You did not love your life

To death.

You are justified.

So lace up your sandals and let your gown flow

Get ready to go.

You will build in new places

And embrace new faces.

The love of God will be felt through your compassion,

Which only comes from time in the cave and the desert.

Like on the cross,

When all left and all was lost.

Then, and only then, can nothing come between

you and the love of God.

It’s in the wilderness led only by my rod 

And staff

That you can truly hear me and experience my love.

But only, after the desert.


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