My Journey

My journey through life.

This morning as I opened my Facebook page I felt as though I had been punched right in the chest. I literally fell to my knees. My mother posted a picture of my step-brother with the following caption “happy, happy birthday son”.

It took my breath away, but not in a good way.

My brother was also my one of rapists for 9 years of my life. It was much more than a physical daily attack on my body, but one that has lingered and still affects me today, my mind. I had a wave of emotions that swept over me as the tears poured out. I was shocked, sad, horrified and angry. I was angry at myself that I allowed this to affect me this way. I allowed all the shame, guilt and self-loathing to rise up inside of me. I’ve worked so hard to put my mind in a better place and in one second I gave him back all the power.

When I could catch my breath and it was brought to my attention that I was allowing him to do this once again, I said no! No more!! I’m not giving you this power. When down on my knees I prayed, cried to God. My 8 week old puppy crawled up in my lap and put her head on my chest, and immediately I felt a wave come over me. As I held her, I envisioned God holding me. My tears slowed down and my heart didn’t feel as heavy.

And I heard once again, shhhh, I got you.