I was born in South Africa to a middle class family as an only child. My parents were not very conservative, simply because their parents were. They desired to know God and did as they thought best. My parents divorced for 6 years, but remarried again 6 years later so I grew up with my mom as a child. When my dad moved back in my teenage years it was a joyful adjustment. They each had their own idea of how to teach me what; Mom being more conservative and Dad more liberal.

I was in a private Christian school till eighth grade and completed my High school years through home schooling. After school I went on to pursue dance and instruct in it, opening a studio too. 

For most of my life I had one best friend, from primary school until after college. After she moved away, I went on to make new friends in my dance community when I was around 20. These were friends I will always treasure, because through them I came to know God and Who He truly is. 

I grew up knowing more about God than knowing Him personally. Only after a deep encounter with the Holy Spirit did I realize my so-called Christianity has always been superficial. I did not have an example of what a true Spirit filled walk looks like. For example, like actually walking in repentance and obedience to Christ and not just attending church or saying a salvation prayer. 

My story began in 2011, when I was no longer able to attend high school due to finances. I began to struggle with self harm and suicidal ideation due to the isolation. However, I had a best friend in whom I found comfort and we spent a lot of time together until she started dating boys in high school. I felt a sense of jealousy which I did not realise at the time nor did I know why; I was oblivious of my feelings for her. 

Her longest relationship with a guy ended in a devastating way. From 2014 – 2015 he became inappropriate towards me, her friend, which resulted in abuse. I was too afraid to speak up sooner, not knowing if I would be believed and in fear of losing my best friend. It took time but she forgave the situation and we had two years to rebuild our friendship before she moved away overseas. Only then, when she was absent from my life, did I realise I was in love with her all these years. 

The sexual abuse turned my heart against men and I was also left with a void my friend used to fill. Trying to work through these sudden changes and traumas in my life, without a church community led me to seek answers on social media. This is where the devil convince me that I was gay. 

I still remember the morning I woke up with a thought as clear as my own, “If I’m gay it means I will never have to be intimate with a man again.” The amount of relief this lying thought gave me was profound. But it was a lie satan whispered in my ear that morning. However, I liked the lie because it meant I will never again have to face the fear I experienced those nights with him. However, this made it so much harder to believe that God is not in favor of homosexuality, as a Christian I knew this, but I did not know the actual Scriptures for it.

In March 2020, a week before lockdown, the Lord used a spiritual leader to minister deliverance to me and I walked away free from the soul tie that the trauma brought. I was immediately relieved from the constant night terrors and flashbacks I relived on a daily, for a long 5 years. Over the next couple of months I walked out a journey of freedom. – Phil 2:12.

Obviously I still wrestled with the Biblical idea of a relationship between a man and woman as I still wanted to believe Satan’s lie. Fortunately, the Holy Spirit was very tangible upon me post-deliverance. Carrying me, opening my spiritual eyes and filling my heart with an intense desire for God and Scripture. 

The Holy Spirit strongly convicted me of my sin and the truth in Scripture while I very much wanted to believe and follow the progressive views of gay Christianity. I nearly came out in April 2020 via social media, but the Holy Spirit kept me from making that mistake. I continued to battle with tears against my flesh’s fear versus my spirit’s conviction.

I dived into scripture for the first time in my Christian walk. I spent time in prayer, intentionally searching scripture and watching testimonies and learning from others’ own revelations. Seeking the undefiled truth of God knowing my own desires is what needs to be surrendered. (Matt 16:24)

I noticed that there are testimonies of ex-gays, which then must mean that we are not ‘born that way;’ which is true, because we are ‘born again’ in Jesus Christ. 

Through scripture and time spent with Christ, His love further set me free from self harm, masturbation and a false identity of sexuality. Shortly after I joined the Transformed Ministries, not finding a place of support in my community for Christians with unwanted same sex attraction. I needed to talk with others who could relate with my thoughts and feelings and feel safe. Thanks to the TBGL Family I have been able to grow and renew my mind about sexuality overall.

Today I continue to walk the path of renewing my mind from the lies the devil convinced me of. I continue to rejoice in the freedom Jesus Christ gave me and I desire to share my testimony with you and others. May the Lord bring transforming revelation to your spirit and renew your walk with Him by His love and grace, just as He did and still does with mine.