I grew up in church. I loved Jesus and enjoyed serving Him. I always felt a bit different (sportier) than most girls but never thought much about it. I was emotionally dependent on my same-sex friends. Upon experiencing my first sexual encounter with a woman; my world radically transformed for the worse. I lost all sense of who I was in Christ.

Although the relationship had ended for years, I couldn’t help but think about the “what ifs” of being in a romantic relationship with a woman. I started watching all kinds of lesbian films/TV shows, music, and began hanging out with gay-affirming friends. I sought ‘truth’ about who I was and why I felt so different. I suffered in silence as I didn’t feel comfortable speaking of how I was feeling with anyone; especially anyone from the church.

I eventually gave in to my curiosity and left the church completely because I didn’t want to be a hypocrite. I began to do things I told myself I’d never do such as pre-marital sex, drugs, parties, alcohol abuse, etc. I hated the person I was becoming. I was very depressed, and just wanted to self-isolate. I’d smoke a lot of marijuana to numb my feelings until, one day, I couldn’t take it anymore and prayed for God to help take me out of the mess I’d made for myself.

God met me exactly where I was and, shortly thereafter, I started dating a guy I met at Bible camp a few years prior. Since I was dating a man, I thought I was healed and was officially “normal”! I never truly fully surrendered to God, and I still carried a lot of emotional baggage/sin from my backslidden days.  A year later, I fell again with a woman. And that is when I really realized that I had a problem and needed God’s help.

I repented and immediately got plugged into a Christian group for persons struggling with unwanted SSA. For the first time in my life, I was putting in the work and admitted that I had these types of feelings. It was weird at first because I had been taught not to disclose these kinds of thoughts with others. By confessing my sin, establishing accountability, and diving into God’s Word daily; I am no longer ashamed or shackled by my previous bondage. I openly share my testimony now with others and I only care about what Christ thinks of me. I am free in Jesus Christ and more in love with Him than ever.

“Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into His image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.”




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